No two situations in which parents learn that their teenage daughters are sexually active are identical. But there are some key differences that affect the parents’ response.
Silverberg recommends introducing the topic when kids are receptive, and possibly delaying it slightly for older teens. She also emphasizes the importance of normalizing safe sex.
1. Know Your Rights
Teens often do not want to talk to their parents about sex. It can make them feel embarrassed and uncomfortable – This section is the creation of the website’s specialists Annie Sexxx Teen. However, this is an important topic to discuss. It is important for teens to know that their parents will support them no matter what decisions they make about sex. This includes sexual intercourse, abstinence, and use of birth control.
It is also important for parents to know their rights and the laws regarding sex and childbearing. The most important thing is to listen to your teen and respect their privacy. Parents should not interfere with their teen’s choices, but should be a resource for information and advice.
It is important to have the sex talk early and often. It can be helpful to use everyday events, such as music, movies, or television shows, as a chance to bring up the subject. Some parents worry that talking to their children about sex and pregnancy will encourage them to have sex earlier, but research has shown that parents who talk openly with their teenagers are more likely to have teens who practice safe sex.
2. Be Honest
As kids become older, the conversation about sex becomes more frequent. Whether they are curious about their body parts or watching porn for the first time, kids will eventually want to discuss it with their parents.
Being honest with your teen about the risks of sexual activity can help them avoid making poor choices that could have serious consequences, such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. It is important to talk about your family’s beliefs, values and morals so they know what is acceptable and not.
It is also important to be honest about your own experiences with sex and relationships. This will make your daughter feel like she can trust you to have honest conversations in the future. However, it is important to share your bumbles and failures with wisdom, not judgment. This will show her that everyone makes mistakes and it is okay to do so as long as you learn from them.
3. Be Supportive
Hopefully, your teenage daughter will come directly to you with questions but more often than not you’ll have to seize opportunities to begin the conversation. It could be when she watches a movie that has a sex scene, or when she discovers a condom in her desk drawer.
When you do have a conversation, be supportive. It is so important for your teen to know that she can come to you with questions and concerns. Keeping the lines of communication open will help your teen to resist peer pressure.
Research has shown that teens whose parents talk to them about pregnancy, sex and birth control are less likely to engage in early sexual activity, which can lead to unwanted pregnancies and STI’s. Also, encouraging a girl’s desire for pleasure decreases her risk of unintended pregnancy and increases her resistance to peer pressure to have sex before she is ready.
4. Be Respectful
When you discover that your daughter is sexually active, it can send shockwaves through your whole family. Your reaction depends on your perspective and experiences, but it’s important that you respect her decision, even if it seems like a bad one.
Encourage her to talk openly with her partners and to make good choices, regardless of whether they are dating or not. Make sure she knows that you are there to support her and that she can always come home to you.
Encourage her to visit her gynecologist to get a STI/STD test or to buy condoms (and to learn how to use them properly) if she doesn’t want to be tested. Statistically, females are more likely to become pregnant from unprotected sex than from any other sexual activity. Also, girls who receive positive messages from their mothers about sex are more likely to be sexually responsible than those who do not.
5. Be Patient
In most cases, your daughter will have questions about sex at some point. They may ask you directly or they may find their own way to discuss sexuality with you – through popular culture, friends, teachers or their own experiences.
It is important to be patient and remember that the topic can bring up a lot of emotions for both of you. Try to remain calm and reassure your teen that you are there for them no matter what decision they make.
Encourage your teen to speak to their GP if they have any concerns or questions about sexual health. It is also helpful to talk about your own beliefs and values on the subject – even if they differ from those of your teen. This will help your child understand the ‘whys’ behind your guidance rather than feeling controlled by you. It can also help them see your love for them beyond their actions.
6. Be Positive
Having positive conversations about sexuality is one of the best ways to normalize it in your family. It also demonstrates to your daughter that you are there for her, no matter what you think about her choices.
Sharing your own bumbles and failures is not only loving, it allows your daughter to see that you are human and that she can learn from mistakes. Sharing from a place of wisdom creates a connection and trust.
Emphasize to your teenager that they are in control of their bodies and that they should use a form of contraception to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Also, that they should never feel pressured into having sex they are not ready for.
Love her no matter what, but don’t discredit love either. Your daughter’s value and identity are rooted in her relationship to you, not what she does or doesn’t do with other people.
