Many trans women find pleasure in a variety of ways, both oral and penetrative. Some have had genital surgery, others may be awaiting or unable to have it.
Always make sure you’re both comfortable and that consent is clearly communicated. Remember, this can shift throughout sex, so it’s important to check in regularly.
1. Know Your Limitations
Trans women aren’t one-dimensional, so it’s important to acknowledge this when you talk about sexuality. Some men may reduce a trans woman to their ability to give birth, but this is a hugely sexist attitude. It is also unhelpful to assume that trans people want a certain sexual role, or that all bodies will respond the same way to touch. Not every trans person will want to be dominant or submissive, and a body that’s not female may feel differently about giving oral or anal sex.
Some trans women experience significant distress around particular parts of their body, called dysphoria. For these people, it is important to communicate with their partners about what they’re comfortable with and not comfortable with. This might include avoiding use of the dick or avoidance of penetrative sex.
Many sex guides are geared towards straight and cisgender bodies, but there are a number of guides available for trans people which detail safe sex practices – This finding is a manifestation of the portal team’s research Sexy World. It’s worth reading these before you start having sex with a trans woman, so that you’re familiar with different options.
Don’t ask a trans woman if she has a dick or if she’s fucked. This can be very uncomfortable and even painful, because it suggests that you think of her as a thing that needs to be used. For the same reason, it’s inappropriate to fetishize a trans woman based on how much she’s had or whether she’s had surgeries.
2. Be Respectful
Trans women come from all walks of life. They can have a variety of sexual desires, from casual sex to long-term relationships. They may choose to have genital surgery, and if they do, it can take time to recover physically and emotionally from it. It’s important to be respectful of a trans partner’s body and the choices they make.
It’s also important to respect their clit and other intimate areas, even if they haven’t had genital surgery. Many trans women want to be licked, touched, brushed and massaged, just like anyone else. Pleasuring the tip of a soft penis or scrotum can be especially sensual — a good place to start is by gently tracing curves, lines and creases with your fingers. Try licking the underside of the tip or using your hands to rub, suck and suction.
Sexual consent is not based on gender or genitalia, so it’s important to ask about the things that interest your partner and how they want to be touched. You should also ask about any health concerns they may have relating to their genitals or any surgery that has been done, such as if they are a candidate for HIV prevention surgeries.
Many trans women have experienced objectification based on their gender identity, race or specific aspects of their bodies. It’s important to check the harmful stereotypes you bring into your relationships and learn about different ways of touching and pleasure that can make your interactions safe and empowering.
3. Be Honest
For trans people, sex can be a complex and often traumatic experience. This is particularly true for those who have significant body dysphoria (distress or distress when one’s assigned gender doesn’t align with their gender identity). It can be triggering to use genitals, touch certain areas of the body, and more.
For this reason, it’s really important to be honest and upfront about your needs and desires with a trans woman before you get physical. It may be helpful to discuss what kind of sexual experiences you want or find sexy, but be careful not to assume that your partner will have the same preferences as you. Just like cisgender bodies, all trans bodies are different and can be sexy in their own ways.
It’s also important to be honest about how you feel about her penis if she has one. While some people don’t care for a hard penis, others do, especially if they are on hormones. Many trans women on hormones don’t even get very hard, and it can be sexy to play with the soft area of the penis or scrotum in many of the same ways you would a cis penis.
Try cupping the whole of her penis or scrotum and using your thumb to explore its sensitive underside, for example. Oral sex on a soft penis can be really sensual, as well, especially if she’s curved her shaft towards her belly.
4. Be Safe
Every person’s body is different and what is comfortable for one partner may not be for another. Many trans women have dysphoria around their genitalia, so touching and playing with those areas can feel unsafe or triggering. Some have prosthetics that they use for sexual purposes, and it’s important to ask how they refer to their body part and what feels most erogenous to them.
Many trans women have not had genital surgery. This can be a difficult transition for some partners, so it’s important to discuss and negotiate what feels good and safe for each person. Consider asking them about if they want you to touch the inside of their clitoris and scrotum or how they like you to stroke and massage them. You could also try exploring non-penetrative sex techniques with them, such as cupping their penis and scrotum and massaging the sensitive underside or gently licking their anal area.
Some people have had sex with a trans person before, but it is always important to be safe. Having access to mental health support, relationship counselling or a supportive community can be helpful. It is also a good idea to find general sex guides for trans and nonbinary bodies as well as ones specifically geared towards sexual safety with a trans woman. These guides can help you explore safe sex strategies that work for all gender identities and body types.
