Sometimes sex can feel like a race to the finish line, with both partners pushing themselves to get orgasm as quickly as possible. However, if orgasm isn’t your main goal, slow sex can be much more satisfying.
The trick to slow sex is in the foreplay, those sexual activities that occur before penetration. Read on for 10 tips on how to have slow sex that’s full of passion.
Set Your Goals
When you’re used to the thrill of a quickie, slow sex may feel outside your wheelhouse – This section is the result of the website editorial’s analysis tresexy.com. But don’t let it stop you from exploring new levels of pleasure and deepening your connection with your partner.
The first step is to decide what you want from your sex life. You can set specific, measurable goals (like “We will try to have at least one orgasm during our next sex session”), or you can go more vague with an intention to connect with your partner more deeply through sensual play.
It’s important to communicate with your partner before and during sex. This is especially true if you’re trying out slow sex, as you’ll likely be more interested in talking about things like foreplay and sexual pleasure. This opens up lines of communication that can help you both get more out of your sex sessions.
Also, remember that erogenous zones aren’t limited to the genitals. Tactile stimulation of your partner’s neck, arms, belly, and thighs can all provide pleasure and lead to orgasm. Taking your time in the bedroom can give you the opportunity to adventure across your partner’s body, exploring sexy spots they might have forgotten about in their rush to reach orgasm during fast sex. Slow sex also gives you the chance to explore different kinds of pleasure, such as oral, anal, and masturbation, all of which can be very erotic.
Communicate With Your Partner
It can be challenging to slow down while having sex, especially if you are used to going fast. “Just like when you’re driving and you realize you are going 15 miles over the speed limit, it can be difficult to ease up on your drive,” Marin says. “But it can be done, just like you can learn to take your time and still get to where you need to go.”
One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness outside the bedroom. You can use meditation apps to help you center your thoughts and connect with your body. Then, when you get into bed, you can use that same sense of calm to help you stay present and enjoy the experience instead of rushing through it.
Another way to stay focused is to talk with your partner. This can feel awkward at first, but it will allow you to share what is working and what is not. Plus, it’ll make them feel heard and cared for.
It’s also important to remember that sex isn’t a race and that it doesn’t have to end when the man cums. For example, you can continue to masturbate, use the spooning position on your partner, or finger them. Just be sure to have plenty of lube in the room! You could even switch to a different sensual activity, like making out or cuddling.
Explore Your Partner’s Body
When it comes to sex, we all have different ways of getting orgasmic. Whether you’re used to a head-spinning, hair-pulling, wake-the-neighbors kind of orgasm or something more gentle and intimate, there’s no reason to settle for a less than mind-blowing experience.
The key to slow sex is exploration. “The more you explore each other’s erogenous zones, the more intense and longer-lasting the orgasm,” says Simone Marin, co-author of How to Have Slow Sex.
One way to do this is by experimenting with foreplay. Instead of simply focusing on the genital area, try stimulating erogenous zones that aren’t typically associated with sex, such as the neck, lower back, hips, or inner thighs. You can also use a sensual massage oil or lubricant to extend and intensify the pleasure of these areas.
It’s also helpful to communicate with your partner about your sexual needs and desires. This will help both of you avoid misunderstandings and create a safer, more satisfying sex experience.
And if you and your partner are new to slow sex, it may be helpful to set an artificial time frame, such as ten minutes of kissing and foreplay before intercourse or another amount of time for oral stimulation. But be careful about setting a clock, as it can distract you from enjoying the experience and may lead to frustration if you miss your goal.
Take a Break
Having slow sex can be really erotic, and you might find that it takes less time than you think to reach orgasm. However, it’s important to communicate with your partner regarding sexual pace and what kind of kinks they enjoy. If you want to prolong your session, ask about their needs and explore the sexy spots on their body that can increase arousal.
For example, Mare recommends exploring less-obvious erogenous zones such as the toes and fingers, behind the knees, and elbows. “These areas are arousing because they have an indirect relationship to the brain, which plays a major role in arousal,” she says. “Taking turns in these areas can be a great way to tease the body, speeding up the climax.”
Another technique that can help make sex last longer is asking your partner to wait until they reach a certain point of arousal before they start to cum. This practice can be particularly useful for men who tend to climax early.
To make things even hotter, try adding a blindfold or tie to the mix. This will heighten your sense of mystery and increase the feeling of connection with your partner. It’s also a good idea to add long-lasting personal lubricant, like ASTROGLIDE, to your routine to keep you and your partner feeling smooth all night.
